struggle

Wednesday, November 18, 2009 ♥ 2



Lately, I've been telling myself that... I'm tired of studying. I'm tired of feeling bad. I'm tired of worrying about my bank account. I'm tired of misunderstandings. I'm tired of writing my Anthropology essay. I'm tired of thinking I'm not good enough, yet I struggle with pride. I'm tired of unappreciative attitudes. I'm tired of working so hard only to reap mediocre results. I'm tired of holding my tongue. I'm tired of waiting for God who sometimes takes a while to show me the way, even though I know that He will show me at the right time. Sometimes the wait is frustrating.

I guess it all boils down to wants. I'm just tired of wanting; wanting an easier solution, wanting a better answer, wanting things I can't seem to achieve, wanting to retort, wanting to be a better friend, a better daughter, a better student...

I've always been aware of Psalm 23, and read it numerous times, albeit merely taking it at face value, not really diving into the depths of it, not unlocking the treasures of God's Word. To me, it was just "the" psalm to be read at solemn events and such. But upon listening to Ps Kenneth's message that expounded on this passage, and after searching my own heart, it means something different to me now.



The LORD is my shepherd;
I shall not want.


He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.


He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.


Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.


You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.


Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD
Forever.


Now I finally understand it better. The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want. God is not trying to say that as a Christian, I cannot want things. A nicer handphone, a better grade, an easier life. He does not desire to with-hold any good thing from us. "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want." I understand that from this psalm, God is trying to tell me that because He is my God, He will give me the desires of my heart and everything I need. His grace is sufficient for me, my cup overflows with His blessings. Therefore, I need not want. He has already provided and will continue to do so.

This personal revelation sounds exactly like how I interpreted this psalm in the past, when I took it at face value. The difference is, now that I'm experiencing it, and now that I'm going through it, it pierces so deep into my heart, my soul, that it's different. It doesn't make my situation any less tough, but at least I know I have Jesus, my Shepherd, guiding me. That's my peace, my comfort, in the midst of my struggle and search.


xx
photos found in We Heart It

♥ 2 Response(s) to “struggle”

  • Gracie says:

    Julia that was written so well. You have really delved into that Psalm and found out what it means to you. That is so inspiring and I just love how when things are getting hard you are really trusting God. It can be hard sometimes, I know.
    I think you are so inspirational and I love what God is doing through you. You make me feel so good.
    I truly hope you get the desires of your heart. xx

  • I completely understand what you mean with the first part, cuz it's the same with me.
    About the second, well God is just a different subject

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